I already don't know what to say and I haven't even started writing about him...My first love is many, many years of love and heartbreak. It took me a lot longer to get over him than it really should have...but here we go... *It also took me a long time to write this blog...I worked on it for days, and it is quite lengthy*
The song "Didn't I" by Rachel Proctor fully encompasses what my many years of love were like for him...
OK, the story of me and Gio began during my Freshman year (his sophomore yr) of high school. Gio and I were in the same Spanish class, and we were seated next to each other for the entire duration of the year. We talked throughout class every day...it drove my teacher nuts how much Gio talked to me. I remember her moving Gio to the back of the classroom, all by himself one time, figuring he wouldn't talk to me or our two other friends in class if he was back there alone...well she was wrong and shortly thereafter moved him back near us...at least when he was near us, he talked quietly! I really didn't think anything of our discussions as any more that two people becoming friends.
Looking back now, I suppose there was some flirting going on...but I was 14/15 years old...I was not in a state of mind where I was thinking that there was a boy attracted to me. I had my crush on someone in my own class, someone I had been crushing on for years...though that would never go anywhere!
Summer came, and I didn't think about Gio at all...we were friends during Spanish class, but outside of school, we had never hung out or talked. We really only had ever seen each other during Spanish class, nowhere else...
We ran into each other at the movie theater one day over the summer...I'm pretty sure I was seeing a Leonardo DiCaprio movie, and could care less about this guy I knew from Spanish class!
(*side note: I just spent an hour and a half lost in photo memories as I searched for some pictures for this blog...it's amazing how distracted you can get looking at pictures...or is that just me?)
ok, back to the story...cue, Sophomore year...
During the beginning few months of the year, my friends and I slowly became a part of a group of friends that included some Junior guys that a few of the girls were beginning to date. Gio was friends with a couple of the guys that my friends had begun dating. It was through this group that Gio and I became more friendly outside of being in a class together Freshman year.
I began to notice that we would pass each other in the hallway between 3rd and 4th period. We would make faces at each other as we passed one another. The days passed and I really didn't think anything of the faces we made at each other...at the time, in fact, I found him to be annoying...or so I thought I did...
I used to be able to remember the exact date, but now I cannot, but I do still remember what happened that day in mid-December...
It was a cloudy, cold day...I was in 3rd period, when the fire alarm went off...we filed outside, near the tennis courts, where we waited to go back into the school. We stood outside longer than we usually do, so we knew it couldn't just be a drill. When they thought it was safe, we were let back inside, and told to gather our things and proceed to 4th period.
I remember walking down the same hallway I walked down everyday on my way to 4th period computer class. I passed Gio and Eric, just as I always did. He and I made a face at each other, but his face was a little different than it usually was. In the moment, I didn't really think much of it, but later, I would think back and realize it wasn't the usual look of "annoyance" that we always pretended, but a look of a 16 year old who was trying to work up the courage to ask out a girl he liked....
I walked into my computer class, and had just barely grabbed my assignment, when the fire alarm went off for a 2nd time. This time, I exited the building out the front door of the school, and headed toward the grass near the corner of the school. As I was walking with the crowd, in search of some friendly faces, a friend came up to me and informed me that Gio was going to ask me out! My response... "Eww! Why!?"
Not exactly the reaction you expect to have when you find out someone is going to ask you out, hahaha...but at 15, that was my reaction!
We were pushed further away from school than we ever had been, leading us all to believe that something really was wrong. As we were walking up this hill near school, we came across Gio. Awkward hellos were exchanged, and then my friend suddenly had someone else to go see, leaving me and Gio alone...could she be anymore obvious!?
We awkwardly chatted for a few minutes, during which I expressed that I was cold...it was mid-December and I couldn't go to my locker to get my coat. He told me that if he hadn't lent his to a friend, he would give it to me. His friend came by a few minutes later, and gave his coat back to him. He immediately handed it to me. hmmm...the wheels started spinning in my head...maybe he wasn't as "annoying" as I always thought he was, or maybe I never thought he was annoying!
I don't remember what prompted it, but at some point while we were standing there with his friend, his arms went around me. His friend asked if we were going out. Gio looked at me, and asked me...I obviously said yes (if I had said no, would I be writing this blog about him...lol).
We were released from school, due to a gas leak in the cafeteria. A bunch of Gio's friends (and a few of mine) decided to go to Burger King for lunch, so I tagged along. We also went to the mall after lunch, and hung out. It was strange all of a sudden holding hands with this guy who I was just thinking was annoying a few days earlier.
A couple days before Christmas, we all got together at a friend's house to hang out and watch a movie, Austin Powers (strangely that would become the movie our group ALWAYS watched, haha). After the movie, we were all getting ready to head home. We were standing in the driveway. Everyone else was figuring out who was driving who home, while Gio and I stood there together. With Gio's arms around my waist, he looked down into my eyes, and kissed me....my first kiss.
Everything changed after that...we would hang out in the mornings before the homeroom bell, holding hands, and talking with our friends. Weekends were spent hanging out at someone's house with each other. As we passed each other between 3rd and 4th period, we no long exchanged annoyed faces with each other, but instead hellos, smiles, and grabbing each other's hands as we walked right passed each other. I would skip part of my biology class, telling my teacher I needed to go see my guidance counselor, and go down to his lunch period for a few minutes before heading back to class.
This was the way it was until mid-January...I had everyone to my house one Friday night, to hang out. Aside from Gio meeting my mom, things were just like normal that night. Laughing, movie watching, kissing.
But the next week, everything changed...One Monday, when we returned to school, something was different. It was a few days before his Junior-Senior semi-formal and things were awkward. I remember walking past him in the hallway and he didn't look at me, he kept talking to a friend. I didn't think a lot about it...maybe he was just really into the conversation they were having. That afternoon, my 15 year old world came crashing down. Gio broke up with me...I don't even remember what he said, except the line I would hear more times in the next few years from him than I ever wanted to hear.... "I hope we can still be friends."
I cried, all the way home. What had I done? I thought that things were going well. I got home, turned on my radio, and the first song to come on was Brandy's "Have You Ever"
My first break-up...and I knew in that moment, that I loved him, as much as a 15 year old can love someone. The next few months were rough. I dated his best friend for about a week, on the rebound. I tried to be friends, but on the inside, I just wanted to tell him that I loved him, and thought about him all the time.
At my Sweet 16 party in May, I cried, as Gio danced with me to the song that became our song, "Have you ever" by Brandy.
In June, I began dating someone else, at the urging of Gio, to move on and be happy. For that summer, I was very happy in my new relationship. The next fall, after the homecoming game, Gio and I were talking in the parking lot, about the fact that he was now dating one of my friends (yes, it bothered me, because she had always criticized me for dating him). It was in that parking lot, that Gio and I expressed that we loved each other, but that we couldn't be together because we were both dating someone.
My boyfriend at the time, figured out that my conversation with Gio in the parking lot was about our past relationship. He knew, and told me that night, that I loved Gio more than him. We fought that night, and I told him that I couldn't help my feelings for Gio. He was after all my first love. However, I loved him too, and I certainly didn't want to break up just because Gio told me he loved me.
So for the next school year, we all hung out like always....Gio and I pretending like we never told each other that we loved each other. Though there was no denying that we loved each other, when every time we were having group shots taken, we were together...sometimes even when my boyfriend was there as well...
Those feeling and emotions that I had for Gio, carried throughout the year, and through the summer as he prepared to head off to the military. Things between my current boyfriend and I were in a weird place. I wasn't happy, but stayed with him for reasons which I should not have. I remember a trip to Riverside Park (now Six Flags New England) over the summer before all the guys headed off to college or in Gio's case, the military. I was sitting in the backseat of a friend's car, sandwiched between my boyfriend and Gio. Gio was in charge of music selection and put a 98 Degrees CD in. He chose "The Hardest Thing" and whispered to me that the song was for me.
How was I supposed to get over someone who kept telling me he loved me and played songs like this for me? To this day, I can't hear The Hardest Thing without thinking of him and that car ride.
By the beginning of November of my senior year, things with my boyfriend were at their lowest point. We were fighting all the time, and finally we decided it was time to break-up. I couldn't pretend to be happy anymore, and I think he finally realized that we weren't happy.
I remember being on the phone with my BFF a few days later, when Gio called. I quickly hung up the phone with my BFF to talk to him. We chatted about random things, but eventually the topic came around to us...He was coming home for Thanksgiving, and I had told him that I wanted to see if things could work out. We decided to give it a try. On Black Friday, a friend of ours had a get together, and it was the 1st time I was going to see Gio, since he had left for the military. We immediately fell back into being "us" and I was so happy to be holding his hand and kissing him again.
I went with him to the airport, the day he left...it was SUPER early in the morning, and I had to wake him up when I got to his best friend's house. We held hands all the way to the airport, and I cried a little on his shoulder in the car. He kept telling me not to cry, because that would make it hard for him to leave. He played a song by Sisqo, called "Incomplete" and told me the song was for me. How could I not love him when he was like this? None of my friend's truly saw that side of him...
but just like before, it was short lived... in fact, it was Christmas time, when he broke my heart for the 2nd time. He told me this time, as we walked around outside near my house, that he couldn't be there for me like he wanted to be. He couldn't call me whenever he wanted, he couldn't be there if I needed him to be, and because of that we couldn't be together. But I didn't care. I didn't need him to be there like that...just knowing that he loved me and was thinking about me was enough for me. But he was determined to break-up again...and then that phrase "can we still be friends"...my heart was crushed again!
Late in the winter, I began dating someone new...a blind date, and we had fun through the summer, but he moved, and I went to college. It wasn't a relationship that I ever really thought would last anyway, so I wasn't heartbroken like I had been with Gio.
I came home for a long weekend in the fall of my freshman year of college...I remember sitting on my couch watching tv, after a lazy day. I got a phone call from Gio, and I was shocked. I hadn't heard from him in months, and all of a sudden here he was calling me. He asked me what number my house was...and after I had told him, we hung up the phone. It took me a moment to realize that he was on his way over to my house!! WHY!? after all this time, why was he coming to my house? I did my best to make myself look presentable, but there really wasn't much I could do.
He showed up at my door, and we hung out for a brief time. After a little while, he sent his friend outside and told him he would be a few minutes... He kissed me like he had never kissed me before, and a few minutes later, I told him that if this wasn't going anywhere, then the kissing needed to stop. He told me he wanted to try again, and I was beyond happy.
A few times we had talked after that, and then I received the phone call that ended everything...all my hopes and dreams... He told me that we needed to stop getting back together because it was not written in the stars for us to be together. It was never going to happen, so we needed to stop trying.
He was so good at taking my heart....and then crushing it...each time he crushed it, more pieces were lost forever...that last time, I wanted my life to be over. I didn't want to be alive if there was no hope for us.
Seeing him after that phone call was harder than ever before. Knowing that he felt like we were not meant to be, made me never want to be near him. I haven't really been in a relationship since then. I've given it a shot with a few people...a few dates, a couple "let's see where this goes" situations, but that was it...
In my head, I told myself, if I wasn't good enough for Gio, then I wasn't good enough for anyone...I gave up trying! I gave up on myself, and focused on becoming a teacher.
After graduation, I had moved out, and began my teaching career. I had finally moved on from him..but just like always...whenever he was out of my mind, he reappeared...this time, a phone call in the middle of the night...It was probably around 1 or 2am, when I was woken up by my phone ringing.
He apologized to me for every time he broke my heart. Apparently, he now knew what it was like to have his heart broken. 2005...he NOW knew what it felt like to have his heart broken. Apparently all those years of breaking my heart, he was not once sad to have us not work out.
So there you have it...my first love/first kiss...
Someday I hope to meet the one who I am destined to be with, and Gio will be nothing but a distance blip in my past!
At my Sweet 16 party in May, I cried, as Gio danced with me to the song that became our song, "Have you ever" by Brandy.
In June, I began dating someone else, at the urging of Gio, to move on and be happy. For that summer, I was very happy in my new relationship. The next fall, after the homecoming game, Gio and I were talking in the parking lot, about the fact that he was now dating one of my friends (yes, it bothered me, because she had always criticized me for dating him). It was in that parking lot, that Gio and I expressed that we loved each other, but that we couldn't be together because we were both dating someone.
My boyfriend at the time, figured out that my conversation with Gio in the parking lot was about our past relationship. He knew, and told me that night, that I loved Gio more than him. We fought that night, and I told him that I couldn't help my feelings for Gio. He was after all my first love. However, I loved him too, and I certainly didn't want to break up just because Gio told me he loved me.
So for the next school year, we all hung out like always....Gio and I pretending like we never told each other that we loved each other. Though there was no denying that we loved each other, when every time we were having group shots taken, we were together...sometimes even when my boyfriend was there as well...
Those feeling and emotions that I had for Gio, carried throughout the year, and through the summer as he prepared to head off to the military. Things between my current boyfriend and I were in a weird place. I wasn't happy, but stayed with him for reasons which I should not have. I remember a trip to Riverside Park (now Six Flags New England) over the summer before all the guys headed off to college or in Gio's case, the military. I was sitting in the backseat of a friend's car, sandwiched between my boyfriend and Gio. Gio was in charge of music selection and put a 98 Degrees CD in. He chose "The Hardest Thing" and whispered to me that the song was for me.
By the beginning of November of my senior year, things with my boyfriend were at their lowest point. We were fighting all the time, and finally we decided it was time to break-up. I couldn't pretend to be happy anymore, and I think he finally realized that we weren't happy.
I remember being on the phone with my BFF a few days later, when Gio called. I quickly hung up the phone with my BFF to talk to him. We chatted about random things, but eventually the topic came around to us...He was coming home for Thanksgiving, and I had told him that I wanted to see if things could work out. We decided to give it a try. On Black Friday, a friend of ours had a get together, and it was the 1st time I was going to see Gio, since he had left for the military. We immediately fell back into being "us" and I was so happy to be holding his hand and kissing him again.
I went with him to the airport, the day he left...it was SUPER early in the morning, and I had to wake him up when I got to his best friend's house. We held hands all the way to the airport, and I cried a little on his shoulder in the car. He kept telling me not to cry, because that would make it hard for him to leave. He played a song by Sisqo, called "Incomplete" and told me the song was for me. How could I not love him when he was like this? None of my friend's truly saw that side of him...
but just like before, it was short lived... in fact, it was Christmas time, when he broke my heart for the 2nd time. He told me this time, as we walked around outside near my house, that he couldn't be there for me like he wanted to be. He couldn't call me whenever he wanted, he couldn't be there if I needed him to be, and because of that we couldn't be together. But I didn't care. I didn't need him to be there like that...just knowing that he loved me and was thinking about me was enough for me. But he was determined to break-up again...and then that phrase "can we still be friends"...my heart was crushed again!
Late in the winter, I began dating someone new...a blind date, and we had fun through the summer, but he moved, and I went to college. It wasn't a relationship that I ever really thought would last anyway, so I wasn't heartbroken like I had been with Gio.
I came home for a long weekend in the fall of my freshman year of college...I remember sitting on my couch watching tv, after a lazy day. I got a phone call from Gio, and I was shocked. I hadn't heard from him in months, and all of a sudden here he was calling me. He asked me what number my house was...and after I had told him, we hung up the phone. It took me a moment to realize that he was on his way over to my house!! WHY!? after all this time, why was he coming to my house? I did my best to make myself look presentable, but there really wasn't much I could do.
He showed up at my door, and we hung out for a brief time. After a little while, he sent his friend outside and told him he would be a few minutes... He kissed me like he had never kissed me before, and a few minutes later, I told him that if this wasn't going anywhere, then the kissing needed to stop. He told me he wanted to try again, and I was beyond happy.
A few times we had talked after that, and then I received the phone call that ended everything...all my hopes and dreams... He told me that we needed to stop getting back together because it was not written in the stars for us to be together. It was never going to happen, so we needed to stop trying.
He was so good at taking my heart....and then crushing it...each time he crushed it, more pieces were lost forever...that last time, I wanted my life to be over. I didn't want to be alive if there was no hope for us.
Seeing him after that phone call was harder than ever before. Knowing that he felt like we were not meant to be, made me never want to be near him. I haven't really been in a relationship since then. I've given it a shot with a few people...a few dates, a couple "let's see where this goes" situations, but that was it...
In my head, I told myself, if I wasn't good enough for Gio, then I wasn't good enough for anyone...I gave up trying! I gave up on myself, and focused on becoming a teacher.
After graduation, I had moved out, and began my teaching career. I had finally moved on from him..but just like always...whenever he was out of my mind, he reappeared...this time, a phone call in the middle of the night...It was probably around 1 or 2am, when I was woken up by my phone ringing.
He apologized to me for every time he broke my heart. Apparently, he now knew what it was like to have his heart broken. 2005...he NOW knew what it felt like to have his heart broken. Apparently all those years of breaking my heart, he was not once sad to have us not work out.
So there you have it...my first love/first kiss...
Someday I hope to meet the one who I am destined to be with, and Gio will be nothing but a distance blip in my past!
Wow, I never knew Gio was your first love. I always thought it was Bill. crazy. This was a good post
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