I want to thank you all for your love and support over the
last few days as I try to come to grips over this horrific incident that has
struck my small little corner of the world.
It is so incredible to me the outpouring of love and prayers from all
over the world. I’ve given the same
support and prayers to members of various communities all over this great
country in their times of need, and I never, ever, thought something as
horrific as this would ever reach my small corner of the world.
I am not a family member of a victim, but I did know a
victim. She touched my life for a very
short period of time, and sadly her life was cut too short. Her future was taken away from her. Avielle Richman attended the center where I
teach kindergarten. She was a student in
our preschool and prekindergarten program.
Up until a few weeks before school began last year, she was on my roster
for Kindergarten. Instead, her family
chose to attend the public school. She
was a beautiful, vibrant young girl with a beautiful head full of curls. I have not seen her since she left our school
last fall, but I am heartbroken over her loss.
I’m still not sure what I should be feeling…I feel sad, angry,
confused, scared, horrified, heartbroken…all at one time. I can only imagine what the families of the
students and educators of Sandy Hook Elementary are going through right
now. I keep thinking about my poor sweet
former kindergartener who witnessed some of the horrors inside Sandy Hook
Elementary before she was lucky enough to make it out of the school. I keep wondering how these students will ever
be able to feel safe inside a school again.
It’s just so sad to think about.
Today, I visited my neighboring community of Newtown to pay
my respects and to mourn the loss of 26 beautiful angels. Driving along I-84, a highway I have driven
countless times, I thought about where I was headed. Next to the highway, on a hill when you get
to Newtown, there has been an American Flag for as long as I can remember. It doesn’t usually cause me to react. Today as I was driving to the exit I needed,
I passed that flag. Right below it were
small flags for each of the Sandy Hook victims.
I began to cry, and continued to cry as I exited and found a place to
park to meet my mom.
As we were heading towards Sandy Hook, we passed St. Rose of
Lima Catholic church, as SWAT members and police stood with guns drawn. Never have I been so close to a situation
like that. The fear in my heart; why was
this happening to our small community? Wasn’t
the tragedy of Friday enough? What more
could this little community handle? We
crossed the bridge over the highway, headed toward the Sandy Hook section of
Newtown. Lining the fence were balloons
and signs “Pray for Newtown.” It began
to become even more real. The amount of
traffic was incredible; we chose to park the car and walk down the hill to
Sandy Hook.
Sandy Hook is such a quaint town, but today, as I was
walking down the hill, everywhere I looked were news vans, and journalists and
cameras. I saw signs asking for prayers,
and flowers and notes of support everywhere.
We headed up the hill toward Sandy Hook Elementary School and each step
I took closer to the school, it was one step closer to the place where so many
innocent lives were taken. As we reached
the top of the hill and headed down toward the school, part of me wanted to
turn back. As soon as I could see the
little sign for Sandy Hook School, tears welled up in my eyes. I began to think of the fear in these young
children’s hearts on Friday, as a gunman broke into their school and brutally
murdered many of their friends and educators.
I couldn’t hold back my emotions as we stepped into the
crowd of mourners paying their respects.
I laid a bouquet of green and white flowers, along with a card, amongst
the other flowers and gifts left in front of the school sign. My mom held onto me as I cried, thinking
about Avielle and her friends. I don’t
know how long we stood there, but it was awhile. I couldn’t leave. I couldn’t leave this place where Avielle had
taken her last steps, where her educators had died trying to keep her and her
friends safe.
After a while, a group of volunteers began handing out
sandwiches, cookies, donuts, and waters to the mourners. Such an amazing gesture of love. An older woman, who was handing out
sandwiches, saw the tears in my eyes and hugged me. I don’t remember the words of support she
offered, but I was deeply touched by her generosity. The outpouring of love all around Sandy Hook
& Newtown was amazing; truly an amazing community, coming together to
support each other through this tragedy.
As we were heading away from the school, I spotted a star
with Avielle’s name on it, hanging on one of the 26 Christmas Trees. My tears returned, and I stood there a few
moments looking at her star and the stuffed animals and ornaments on the tree
before finally turning to go.
Another
makeshift memorial formed under a tree, had a cross formed out of Legos,
another reminder that most of the lives lost were children who would have
played with Legos.
Visiting Newtown/Sandy Hook today was one of the hardest,
most difficult moments of the weekend, but it was something that I truly needed
to do. It did not give me any closure,
but it did help me to see that I am not alone in my grief. This tragedy has touched everyone in Newtown,
the surrounding communities, and around the world. I have spent much of my weekend feeling
alone, and it was helpful to be around others who are looking for answers as to
why such a horrible thing has happened to our community.
(photos of some of the memorials in Newtown)
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